Well... I'm starting Clomid again tomorrow since it's CD3!
My doctor upped the dosage to 100 mg from 50 because of my low progesterone.
I feel really good about that...
Hey, maybe we'll end up with twins, ha!! A girl can dream!! :)
We would be happy with anything- one, two, boy, girl, whatever! I just pray that this next IUI is successful!!
Also,
A huge thank you to my internet-friend Sweetdaisey (the only one besides me who reads this, probably!) Thank you for your kindness and support! I am sending you baby dust and all kinds of positive thoughts! I hope you meet your little one soon, too!! :)
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
or not...
Yesterday I got the results of my progesterone test. 5.9 (7dpo) This is very very low. From what I gather, they look for at least 10+ with a normal natural cycle and 15+ on a medicated cycle. What worries me is that I took 50mg Clomid this cycle, so why oh why is it so low?? So yesterday I was super bummed. Then today I get home from work and guess what??
Yes.
My period.
Sigh.....
Yes.
My period.
Sigh.....
Sunday, February 21, 2010
5 days until we test
So far, so good! I really hope that this IUI has worked for us!!
Still no progesterone lab results, but what can you expect on a Sunday?
Still no progesterone lab results, but what can you expect on a Sunday?
Saturday, February 20, 2010
My beautiful liberating vacation day,
Yesterday I spent the entire day completely obsessing over the results of my progesterone lab. I had it done on Thursday and was thinking about it all day at work Friday. After I got home I called the clinic twice. Each time they told me that a nurse would call me back, they never did. It was hard not to feel upset, I was feeling so anxious, now I had to wait for another whole day to get my precious results! I spent a good portion of the night googling things like 'Normal Progesterone Level', 'Progesterone 7DPO', 'Progesterone Clomid', 'Progesterone IUI'. Finally I gave up and played Hearts on the lap top while watching a movie.
Step one: Liberation. Turning off that alarm.
Before bed I made a decision which made me feel oh so much better about myself and better about my sanity. I have a tendency to let this want/need to have children control my life sometimes, more like all of the time, and I realized that I needed to subside a little. Relax. So, I made the huge decision to pick up my cell phone and turn off the 5:30 AM alarm that I wake up to every day (even on the weekends- my days off) to take my BBT (basal body temperature).
This is HUGE for me because I usually take it every single day and have for about a year. I keep my pages of recorded cycles all nice and neat in a little purple folder on my bedside table next to the thermometer and phone alarm.
I decided that, for the first time in who knows when, I was going to sleep soundly and uninterruptedly through a Saturday morning without taking my temperature.
Crawling into bed that night with my husband, after moving over our sweet little sleeping mini dachshund, I felt really good. REALLY good. I felt so liberated and a bit rebellious. Ha! Take that!! I am in charge of my life...
I was going to take a day off!
I fell right to sleep, had some kind of dream about my husband shaving his beard, and woke up nice and late to the sun shining brightly through my window. Ahhhhh...
Step two: Vacation. Going to the beach!
What a beautiful morning! My husband, Jason, made a delicious bacon, egg, toast breakfast and because this was the first sunny weekend day we've had in Oregon for a long time (it's been raining like crazy here!!) we decided to throw the dog in the car and drive to the beach!!
It was perfect! It wasn't windy at all, and there wasn't a cloud in the sky! We took a super long route that we'd never taken before, laughing and singing to random songs the whole way over. We kept double checking the only map we had in the car (which happened to be an atlas- and wasn't much help,) to figure out which little towns we were going through, and ended up way more south than what we were shooting for! I love Jason so much, we had so much fun!
The ocean was spectacular, as it always is. We were in complete awe of it, as we always are. Even though we've lived our whole lives less than 100 miles of it, and visited it over 500 times throughout the years, it's something that we never get tired of. We ran our little dog all around the beaches and trails between Florence and Newport, (because he never gets tired of it either!)
A few ahi tuna tacos, a dead tired pup and about 300 miles (round-trip) later, we all made it home safely, I never even called the clinic.
Didn't even think of it, actually.
I feel fresh and clear. Liberated and powerful. If there is a child inside of me, this lightening of my soul has certainly done them good.
I recommend a 'sanity vacation' once in a while to every woman TTC!
But no worries, I'm ready to get back to my same ole obsessions tomorrow!
My alarm is set! :)
Step one: Liberation. Turning off that alarm.
Before bed I made a decision which made me feel oh so much better about myself and better about my sanity. I have a tendency to let this want/need to have children control my life sometimes, more like all of the time, and I realized that I needed to subside a little. Relax. So, I made the huge decision to pick up my cell phone and turn off the 5:30 AM alarm that I wake up to every day (even on the weekends- my days off) to take my BBT (basal body temperature).
This is HUGE for me because I usually take it every single day and have for about a year. I keep my pages of recorded cycles all nice and neat in a little purple folder on my bedside table next to the thermometer and phone alarm.
I decided that, for the first time in who knows when, I was going to sleep soundly and uninterruptedly through a Saturday morning without taking my temperature.
Crawling into bed that night with my husband, after moving over our sweet little sleeping mini dachshund, I felt really good. REALLY good. I felt so liberated and a bit rebellious. Ha! Take that!! I am in charge of my life...
I was going to take a day off!
I fell right to sleep, had some kind of dream about my husband shaving his beard, and woke up nice and late to the sun shining brightly through my window. Ahhhhh...
Step two: Vacation. Going to the beach!
What a beautiful morning! My husband, Jason, made a delicious bacon, egg, toast breakfast and because this was the first sunny weekend day we've had in Oregon for a long time (it's been raining like crazy here!!) we decided to throw the dog in the car and drive to the beach!!
It was perfect! It wasn't windy at all, and there wasn't a cloud in the sky! We took a super long route that we'd never taken before, laughing and singing to random songs the whole way over. We kept double checking the only map we had in the car (which happened to be an atlas- and wasn't much help,) to figure out which little towns we were going through, and ended up way more south than what we were shooting for! I love Jason so much, we had so much fun!
The ocean was spectacular, as it always is. We were in complete awe of it, as we always are. Even though we've lived our whole lives less than 100 miles of it, and visited it over 500 times throughout the years, it's something that we never get tired of. We ran our little dog all around the beaches and trails between Florence and Newport, (because he never gets tired of it either!)
A few ahi tuna tacos, a dead tired pup and about 300 miles (round-trip) later, we all made it home safely, I never even called the clinic.
Didn't even think of it, actually.
I feel fresh and clear. Liberated and powerful. If there is a child inside of me, this lightening of my soul has certainly done them good.
I recommend a 'sanity vacation' once in a while to every woman TTC!
But no worries, I'm ready to get back to my same ole obsessions tomorrow!
My alarm is set! :)
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Dreams of baby ~ Dreams of momma
The other night I had a dream that I had just given birth to a baby girl!
I didn't dream about the labor or birth- I had this strange feeling that I had forgotten it somehow, slept through it or something ... like it was just that easy! So I found myself just sitting there by the fireplace in my parent's living room holding my daughter. My mom was there with us too, sitting on the love seat in front of the window. She was smiling peacefully, radiating love. Her body seemed to have a soft and glowy aura around it. Beautiful and natural. She told me that even though I didn't remember the birth of my daughter, it was alright because she was there guiding me, helping me. She said that the birth was perfect and easy. She was so happy, smiling and sweet. An angel. I didn't feel surprised to see her, I felt comfortable and calm, everything was normal, everything was the way it should be.I felt content, that all was right. This is the way that I am used to feeling with her. I felt incredibly calm. Happy.
This is the first time that I've dreamt of my mother since her death seven months ago.
(The first time that I can remember, anyway)
It was wonderful.
Before my mom passed away, she asked all of us what we wanted as signs that she was still with us.
I told her that I needed her to be with me while I was giving birth to my children.
She said that she would, of course she would.
I woke up suddenly, it was about 4 am. I was so hot, I had to flip off all of the blankets. I tossed and turned for a little while before falling back asleep (Before I had to wake up to get ready for work at 5:30!!)
I'm so happy that mom was in my dreams!
This is a great sign!
:)
I didn't dream about the labor or birth- I had this strange feeling that I had forgotten it somehow, slept through it or something ... like it was just that easy! So I found myself just sitting there by the fireplace in my parent's living room holding my daughter. My mom was there with us too, sitting on the love seat in front of the window. She was smiling peacefully, radiating love. Her body seemed to have a soft and glowy aura around it. Beautiful and natural. She told me that even though I didn't remember the birth of my daughter, it was alright because she was there guiding me, helping me. She said that the birth was perfect and easy. She was so happy, smiling and sweet. An angel. I didn't feel surprised to see her, I felt comfortable and calm, everything was normal, everything was the way it should be.I felt content, that all was right. This is the way that I am used to feeling with her. I felt incredibly calm. Happy.
This is the first time that I've dreamt of my mother since her death seven months ago.
(The first time that I can remember, anyway)
It was wonderful.
Before my mom passed away, she asked all of us what we wanted as signs that she was still with us.
I told her that I needed her to be with me while I was giving birth to my children.
She said that she would, of course she would.
I woke up suddenly, it was about 4 am. I was so hot, I had to flip off all of the blankets. I tossed and turned for a little while before falling back asleep (Before I had to wake up to get ready for work at 5:30!!)
I'm so happy that mom was in my dreams!
This is a great sign!
:)
Monday, February 15, 2010
To sum it all up,
I just realized that I've written a book!!
The short of it:
TTC w/DH for 3+ years
DH 32, me 29
10-26-09 HSG- left tube blocked
1-27-10 started first round clomid 50mg
getting ready for IUI #1....
2-11-10 IUI #1
We are waiting to test 2-26-10
The short of it:
TTC w/DH for 3+ years
DH 32, me 29
10-26-09 HSG- left tube blocked
1-27-10 started first round clomid 50mg
getting ready for IUI #1....
2-11-10 IUI #1
We are waiting to test 2-26-10
Our fertility history and where we are today,
We were married on a sunny September day (which is rare in Oregon) in 2006. Everything was beautiful, everything was perfect! We have been ttc ever since! After about a year with no sign of baby, we started timing, and gradually began charting BBT and CM. I have read so many books on fertility- I feel like I'm an expert on the subject!
One of the books that helped me immensely was 'Taking Charge of your Fertility' by Toni Weschler. I bought it on a whim on Amazon, and it turned out to be one of the greatest purchases I've ever made. I would recommend it to any woman who is interested in fully understanding her body. I have learned so much from it!
Anyway, after three years, and perfect timing, we decided to consult my OBGYN- I was 28 and my husband 31, we weren't getting any younger!
First step- Husband's SA (Semen analysis) This should always be the first step if you are facing fertility problems!
His results came back great! The count was 138 million per ml. Motility was good, though they said it was kind of thick (which is high viscosity, we found out later)
So, he was fine. It was such a relief to hear that!
Second step- HSG, Hysterosalpingogram.
The result of this process determines whether or not your fallopian tubes are fully open or if they are blocked somehow, mainly due to scar tissue.
My doc recommended this because when I was 18 I had an emergency appendectomy (removal of the appendix) which may have caused scaring around the tubes.
I was pretty nervous, and the procedure was pretty awkward (as awkward as a PAP with someone you just met!) But painless!
The procedure goes as follows-
You undress from the waist down and lie back on the bed.
In goes the clamp, and then up through the cervix is inserted a little catheter tube full of some kind of dye they are able to detect on their magical x-ray machine.
The dye is then pumped through, the goal is to see the dye go through each fallopian tube and spill out into your abdominal cavity.
Fun, no?
Informative, yes.
I was able to watch 'real time' the dye move through my system. It quickly made its way through the right tube, and I was so relieved to her the technician say "One tube is open for sure, you CAN get pregnant."
The dye was not able, for whatever reason, to make it through the left tube. So, diagnosis 50/50.
One tube blocked, one tube fully open.
I look at it as the glass half full, instead of half empty.
-----
After 3 more months of not becoming pregnant my OBGYN wanted to see me again. He wasn't sure why we weren't pregnant, and said that a lot of times the cervical mucus will be insufficiently thin or thick and not able to carry the sperm where they need to go, and sometimes the cervical mucus can be hostile to the sperm, turning on it and attacking it like bacteria. He said that no one is sure why exactly that happens, but it does.
He ordered a series of four IUIs. Intrauterine insemination.
This is a process where they take and 'wash and spin' the sperm (which rids it of all of the dead cells, and thick fluid) leaving behind an ultra powered ready to go batch of super sperm, which they insert in through the cervix, totally bypassing the cervical mucus (which may or may not be the problem) straight to the uterus so they get a head start on their trip up the fallopian tube to meet the egg!
It's mother nature with a boost.
We talked about the use of fertility medication, and we decided that a small dose of Clomid would be okay, just to insure ovulation.
So, this cycle I began my first Clomid round (day 3-7) and experienced none of the side effects I was so warned about (cramping, mood swings, nausea, etc.)
The only thing that I was worried about was the way that Clomid dries up cervical fluid, that is why I took Robitussin (the kind with Guaifenesin as the only ingredient. This is a substance that will promote mucus flow throughout the body- just like it loosens chest congestion.) Doctor recommended while taking Clomid, as well as improving your natural cycle.
On the 10th of this month, just a few days ago, we got the positive (smiley face) on the OPK and went in for our first IUI bright and early the next morning. February 11th.
My husband's counts were phenomenal. The lab tech called his sperm insanely fast! (The fertility specialist recommended that he take Guaifenesin as well, for the high viscosity issue- only a higher dose, so he was taking Mucinex.) She called him a 'Gold Medal Winner' and said we should hang the results on the fridge!
His results were as follows:
Pre wash count ---- 258 million/ml ..... OMG, wow.
Motility ---- 90% ... this is awesome, they look for 40% or more
Progression ---- 4+ .... they look for 1-4 :)
Post wash count ---- 116 million/ ml!!!!!! They look for 10 million or more!! Woooo-hoooo!!!
How can you go wrong with those counts?
We held hands as the procedure was being done (super quick and surprisingly easy!) and were left alone in the dim room for about 10 minutes afterwards to smile at eachother, visualize and just breathe.
I love my husband so much.
So, here we are.
Waiting on the results. Praying that my body is functioning the way that it is supposed to, praying that the egg was grabbed by the open fallopian tube, and that the implantation goes smoothly.
I wish my mom was here, I wish I could call her up and share all of this with her. The nervous excitement, the daydreams, my head in the clouds. I'm thinking as positively as I can, and I have received several 'signs' which I'll explain later on, which confirms my belief that she is with me. Somehow.
We test on the 26th.
One of the books that helped me immensely was 'Taking Charge of your Fertility' by Toni Weschler. I bought it on a whim on Amazon, and it turned out to be one of the greatest purchases I've ever made. I would recommend it to any woman who is interested in fully understanding her body. I have learned so much from it!
Anyway, after three years, and perfect timing, we decided to consult my OBGYN- I was 28 and my husband 31, we weren't getting any younger!
First step- Husband's SA (Semen analysis) This should always be the first step if you are facing fertility problems!
His results came back great! The count was 138 million per ml. Motility was good, though they said it was kind of thick (which is high viscosity, we found out later)
So, he was fine. It was such a relief to hear that!
Second step- HSG, Hysterosalpingogram.
The result of this process determines whether or not your fallopian tubes are fully open or if they are blocked somehow, mainly due to scar tissue.
My doc recommended this because when I was 18 I had an emergency appendectomy (removal of the appendix) which may have caused scaring around the tubes.
I was pretty nervous, and the procedure was pretty awkward (as awkward as a PAP with someone you just met!) But painless!
The procedure goes as follows-
You undress from the waist down and lie back on the bed.
In goes the clamp, and then up through the cervix is inserted a little catheter tube full of some kind of dye they are able to detect on their magical x-ray machine.
The dye is then pumped through, the goal is to see the dye go through each fallopian tube and spill out into your abdominal cavity.
Fun, no?
Informative, yes.
I was able to watch 'real time' the dye move through my system. It quickly made its way through the right tube, and I was so relieved to her the technician say "One tube is open for sure, you CAN get pregnant."
The dye was not able, for whatever reason, to make it through the left tube. So, diagnosis 50/50.
One tube blocked, one tube fully open.
I look at it as the glass half full, instead of half empty.
-----
After 3 more months of not becoming pregnant my OBGYN wanted to see me again. He wasn't sure why we weren't pregnant, and said that a lot of times the cervical mucus will be insufficiently thin or thick and not able to carry the sperm where they need to go, and sometimes the cervical mucus can be hostile to the sperm, turning on it and attacking it like bacteria. He said that no one is sure why exactly that happens, but it does.
He ordered a series of four IUIs. Intrauterine insemination.
This is a process where they take and 'wash and spin' the sperm (which rids it of all of the dead cells, and thick fluid) leaving behind an ultra powered ready to go batch of super sperm, which they insert in through the cervix, totally bypassing the cervical mucus (which may or may not be the problem) straight to the uterus so they get a head start on their trip up the fallopian tube to meet the egg!
It's mother nature with a boost.
We talked about the use of fertility medication, and we decided that a small dose of Clomid would be okay, just to insure ovulation.
So, this cycle I began my first Clomid round (day 3-7) and experienced none of the side effects I was so warned about (cramping, mood swings, nausea, etc.)
The only thing that I was worried about was the way that Clomid dries up cervical fluid, that is why I took Robitussin (the kind with Guaifenesin as the only ingredient. This is a substance that will promote mucus flow throughout the body- just like it loosens chest congestion.) Doctor recommended while taking Clomid, as well as improving your natural cycle.
On the 10th of this month, just a few days ago, we got the positive (smiley face) on the OPK and went in for our first IUI bright and early the next morning. February 11th.
My husband's counts were phenomenal. The lab tech called his sperm insanely fast! (The fertility specialist recommended that he take Guaifenesin as well, for the high viscosity issue- only a higher dose, so he was taking Mucinex.) She called him a 'Gold Medal Winner' and said we should hang the results on the fridge!
His results were as follows:
Pre wash count ---- 258 million/ml ..... OMG, wow.
Motility ---- 90% ... this is awesome, they look for 40% or more
Progression ---- 4+ .... they look for 1-4 :)
Post wash count ---- 116 million/ ml!!!!!! They look for 10 million or more!! Woooo-hoooo!!!
How can you go wrong with those counts?
We held hands as the procedure was being done (super quick and surprisingly easy!) and were left alone in the dim room for about 10 minutes afterwards to smile at eachother, visualize and just breathe.
I love my husband so much.
So, here we are.
Waiting on the results. Praying that my body is functioning the way that it is supposed to, praying that the egg was grabbed by the open fallopian tube, and that the implantation goes smoothly.
I wish my mom was here, I wish I could call her up and share all of this with her. The nervous excitement, the daydreams, my head in the clouds. I'm thinking as positively as I can, and I have received several 'signs' which I'll explain later on, which confirms my belief that she is with me. Somehow.
We test on the 26th.
My journey to find my mother... through motherhood
My mother passed away this summer. July 15th, 2009. 3:00 AM. I can barely breathe.
I miss her so much, I think of her always.
My husband and I have been trying to have a baby for over three years. It is extremely difficult to be going through this without my mom, it's something that we've always shared. We've always talked about the joys and blessings that children bring. I know that she is with me, though. With both of us, me and my husband. Her energy and light surround us, her presence is strong, I know she's with me. My goals are to begin healing, emotionally, spiritually; to begin the process of finding peace and understanding. Also to start a family of my own, and continue the cycle of love- the ultimate sacred bond between mother and child. To step into her role, to be a mother. I only pray I can be half of the amazing woman/mother/wife that she was. She was perfect.
This is my first blog, and it's very late.
I miss and love her eternally.
I miss her so much, I think of her always.
My husband and I have been trying to have a baby for over three years. It is extremely difficult to be going through this without my mom, it's something that we've always shared. We've always talked about the joys and blessings that children bring. I know that she is with me, though. With both of us, me and my husband. Her energy and light surround us, her presence is strong, I know she's with me. My goals are to begin healing, emotionally, spiritually; to begin the process of finding peace and understanding. Also to start a family of my own, and continue the cycle of love- the ultimate sacred bond between mother and child. To step into her role, to be a mother. I only pray I can be half of the amazing woman/mother/wife that she was. She was perfect.
This is my first blog, and it's very late.
I miss and love her eternally.
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