Well, so far so good with my liver. My husband and I have been carrying on as usual. Trying, desperately desperately trying, to conceive this little one of ours!
Today I lie in bed with a cold. UUGGGGHHHH!!! I'm SICK!!! ;)
Powered through the work day, and then let everyone know that I am going to take tomorrow off. Yes. That is just what I need.
A break. Bed, bath, movies, soup. It's raining outside, and for that I am happy.
I took a pregnancy test today and it turned out negative.
My period was only a little over one day this month, and only one day last month. It has been dwindling off, so it seems, ever since I stopped taking Clomid for my IUIs in April. I am really worried about what this means, but don't want to let worry rule my life.
I don't want to be consumed with negativity, so. I allow this:
One evening of rain; one evening of sadness because the little pee-stick gave me the wrong result. The result that I am so tired of seeing.
Tomorrow is going to be a better day, a day of healing, and I am going to talk to my OBGYN Thursday about an ultrasound (for possible scar tissue adhesion in my abdomen) and also a laproscopy. Does anyone have an opinion about laproscopy procedures? Ha! The real question is: Will anyone read this?
I hope that my few followers are still around, I am thinking of you and sending you all positive hopeful thoughts. I'd love to hear how all of you are doing!!
Sooooo.....
There it is! There is the scoop.
Health, happiness and babies to all :)
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Monday, June 21, 2010
And what is this about my liver??
I'm here, I'm still here! :)
Had some routine blood work done recently and just got the results.
Bizarre, and kinda scary. On the other hand this may be the key to our fertility issues!
My cholesterol is high and my triglycerides are extremely extremely high- (from what I understand that is the type of cholesterol that converts from sugar) Strange because I don't think that my eating habits are too bad, I try to be healthy and eat well everyday- (fruits/vegis, whole grains, organic as much as I can) I try to steer clear from fried foods/fatty foods/sugary stuff as much as possible. I guess I'll have to cut those out completely! I'm not overweight and I keep active, but could go to the gym more regularly, even so- why would my numbers be SO high?? For example, ideal triglyceride levels should be <150, anything over 300 is way too high. My number was 540.
They also found very high levels of enzymes in my liver and high levels of other things that have to do with my liver. (ATL or ALT, and amylace?)
I'm trying to stay calm.
I had more lab work done and have a liver ultrasound scheduled for the first week in July.
I really miss and need my mom right now. Almost a year has gone by and I think of her every single day. My angel momma, she always knew what to say, what to do, how to comfort. I wish I could talk to her about our fertility issues, about these crazy lab results. She was and is still my greatest friend, I love her eternally.
I feel her, though. I know that she is with me always.
She helps me constantly. Thinking of her quiets my soul and gives me the strength I need to face the hard times in my life. My troubles are so small compared to what she went through, and she did so so gracefully. With such positivity. She laughed, she loved, she stayed in the light always.
She is my inspiration, my defense against fear.
I know that it is impossible to control all aspects of my life, there is much that I can do to steer myself in the direction I want to go in, but I know life takes it's course and can be very unexpected at times. I also know that whatever happens, good or bad, whatever happens will be alright.
Everything will be alright.
Had some routine blood work done recently and just got the results.
Bizarre, and kinda scary. On the other hand this may be the key to our fertility issues!
My cholesterol is high and my triglycerides are extremely extremely high- (from what I understand that is the type of cholesterol that converts from sugar) Strange because I don't think that my eating habits are too bad, I try to be healthy and eat well everyday- (fruits/vegis, whole grains, organic as much as I can) I try to steer clear from fried foods/fatty foods/sugary stuff as much as possible. I guess I'll have to cut those out completely! I'm not overweight and I keep active, but could go to the gym more regularly, even so- why would my numbers be SO high?? For example, ideal triglyceride levels should be <150, anything over 300 is way too high. My number was 540.
They also found very high levels of enzymes in my liver and high levels of other things that have to do with my liver. (ATL or ALT, and amylace?)
I'm trying to stay calm.
I had more lab work done and have a liver ultrasound scheduled for the first week in July.
I really miss and need my mom right now. Almost a year has gone by and I think of her every single day. My angel momma, she always knew what to say, what to do, how to comfort. I wish I could talk to her about our fertility issues, about these crazy lab results. She was and is still my greatest friend, I love her eternally.
I feel her, though. I know that she is with me always.
She helps me constantly. Thinking of her quiets my soul and gives me the strength I need to face the hard times in my life. My troubles are so small compared to what she went through, and she did so so gracefully. With such positivity. She laughed, she loved, she stayed in the light always.
She is my inspiration, my defense against fear.
I know that it is impossible to control all aspects of my life, there is much that I can do to steer myself in the direction I want to go in, but I know life takes it's course and can be very unexpected at times. I also know that whatever happens, good or bad, whatever happens will be alright.
Everything will be alright.
Thursday, May 27, 2010
First natural cycle after 4 BFN IUIs
It's hard to know what to feel after going through four unsuccessful IUIs. It's hard to find the motivation to write about it.
I thought for sure that one of these four medicated procedures would work.
I want for us to have a child so badly, it's hard to start thinking that their may be a real problem. I don't want to put that kind of negative energy out their, though. There isn't a problem, it's just taking longer for us for some reason.
I'll never give up. This is my first cycle after these medicated IUIs, and it's been all natural. I took an ovulation test this morning and got a smiley face!
Sooo.... here we go again! :)
Smiley faces are hopeful, we'll never give up!
I thought for sure that one of these four medicated procedures would work.
I want for us to have a child so badly, it's hard to start thinking that their may be a real problem. I don't want to put that kind of negative energy out their, though. There isn't a problem, it's just taking longer for us for some reason.
I'll never give up. This is my first cycle after these medicated IUIs, and it's been all natural. I took an ovulation test this morning and got a smiley face!
Sooo.... here we go again! :)
Smiley faces are hopeful, we'll never give up!
Saturday, April 17, 2010
knowing my body
if anything else, I am thankful that I know my body so well.
My period started this morning.
I'm feeling down so my husband's taking us out for a late breakfast/almost lunch ...Aha! Brunch! :)
I am thankful for Jason and his sweetness. I know how much he wants this too.
I love him so much.
My period started this morning.
I'm feeling down so my husband's taking us out for a late breakfast/almost lunch ...Aha! Brunch! :)
I am thankful for Jason and his sweetness. I know how much he wants this too.
I love him so much.
Friday, April 16, 2010
12dpiui #3
It's 12 days past our IUI and my basal body temperature significantly dropped this morning. Bummer.
Huge bummer.
I'm expecting my period tomorrow.
Well..... okay. There must be more that I can do to help my situation.
Battle plan:
I have started going back to the gym regularly
I am taking two spoonfuls of Royal Jelly a day
I've heard a lot of good reviews for the book 'The Infertility Cure', so I ordered it on Amazon tonight!
I also ordered 'Yoga Practices for Fertility' on DVD
I have been eating lots of dairy, fruits and vegis, and have been taking a prenatal vitamin every day
We can do this, we will do this.
We WILL have our baby!
Huge bummer.
I'm expecting my period tomorrow.
Well..... okay. There must be more that I can do to help my situation.
Battle plan:
I have started going back to the gym regularly
I am taking two spoonfuls of Royal Jelly a day
I've heard a lot of good reviews for the book 'The Infertility Cure', so I ordered it on Amazon tonight!
I also ordered 'Yoga Practices for Fertility' on DVD
I have been eating lots of dairy, fruits and vegis, and have been taking a prenatal vitamin every day
We can do this, we will do this.
We WILL have our baby!
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Royal Jelly!! Thank you, little honeybees!
I have made a new discovery and am on the way to becoming my own queen bee!!
and the discovery is...
Royal Jelly!
I'm eating a spoonful of delicious RJ and honey right this very moment!!
Royal Jelly is the main food of the queen honeybee! It is a pure nectar that worker bees supply for her and only her.
The difference between the queen bee and the other female bees is that the queen bee lays up to 2,000 eggs a day. The other female bees are infertile.
The only thing that makes the queen bee 'the queen' is that she is the only one to eat this special Royal Jelly. In doing so, she grows larger, becomes extremely fertile and lives up to 40 percent longer than her worker bees!! (Yes! 40%! In bee time that is 5 to 8 years longer!!)
Royal Jelly is extremely beneficial to humans as well and it is thought to provide many, if not all, of the same positive effects! It balances the hormones and nourishes the reproductive system. I've researched many cases (in the short time that I've known about this- maybe a week) in which women, otherwise infertile, will take RJ and then credit her pregnancy to it's health benefits.
It's also great for your skin and a wonderful way to boost your energy!
I've been taking 2 teaspoons twice daily for about a week and I definitely notice a change in my energy level and all around mood.
I recommend this product to anyone! (Unless you are allergic to bees/bee pollen)
~A toast to my friends the bees!
Here's to longevity, fertility and overall well being!
Thank you little honeybees for all you do!!
Thank you for your help in providing a healthy and strong environment for my future little one/ones! (P.S. I'm not asking for 2,000! Just one will be fine...or two!) :)
You are truly wonderful!
and the discovery is...
Royal Jelly!
I'm eating a spoonful of delicious RJ and honey right this very moment!!
Royal Jelly is the main food of the queen honeybee! It is a pure nectar that worker bees supply for her and only her.
The difference between the queen bee and the other female bees is that the queen bee lays up to 2,000 eggs a day. The other female bees are infertile.
The only thing that makes the queen bee 'the queen' is that she is the only one to eat this special Royal Jelly. In doing so, she grows larger, becomes extremely fertile and lives up to 40 percent longer than her worker bees!! (Yes! 40%! In bee time that is 5 to 8 years longer!!)
Royal Jelly is extremely beneficial to humans as well and it is thought to provide many, if not all, of the same positive effects! It balances the hormones and nourishes the reproductive system. I've researched many cases (in the short time that I've known about this- maybe a week) in which women, otherwise infertile, will take RJ and then credit her pregnancy to it's health benefits.
It's also great for your skin and a wonderful way to boost your energy!
I've been taking 2 teaspoons twice daily for about a week and I definitely notice a change in my energy level and all around mood.
I recommend this product to anyone! (Unless you are allergic to bees/bee pollen)
~A toast to my friends the bees!
Here's to longevity, fertility and overall well being!
Thank you little honeybees for all you do!!
Thank you for your help in providing a healthy and strong environment for my future little one/ones! (P.S. I'm not asking for 2,000! Just one will be fine...or two!) :)
You are truly wonderful!
Sunday, April 4, 2010
HAPPY EASTER!
This has to be quick because I need to get some sleep!
We had our third IUI today, on Easter.
What a perfect day for conception. I pray that this one works!!
Happy Easter to all!
We had our third IUI today, on Easter.
What a perfect day for conception. I pray that this one works!!
Happy Easter to all!
Monday, March 22, 2010
Well...
I started my period yesterday. I saw it coming because when I woke up my basal temperature had taken a dramatic fall. I feel pretty down about this. I had a really good feeling about our IUI working this time around.
I just hope and pray that my husband and I CAN have children together. I worry because I've never been pregnant before, not even a pregnancy that was lost. I want so badly for us to have little ones. I hope there's nothing wrong with me.
We are heading out today on a camping trip. That will help.
hmmmmm
I just hope and pray that my husband and I CAN have children together. I worry because I've never been pregnant before, not even a pregnancy that was lost. I want so badly for us to have little ones. I hope there's nothing wrong with me.
We are heading out today on a camping trip. That will help.
hmmmmm
Saturday, March 20, 2010
Friday, March 19, 2010
11 dpiui ... the sun is shining and Spring Break has begun!!
Let me just start by saying that it is BEAUTIFUL outside!! What a way to start Spring Break!! I am in an excellent mood today, so many positive things are going on right now!
Here's how my day started!
This morning I woke up and took my temperature immediately as I always do. My heart sank as I saw that it was only 97.4, down .5 from the past couple of days.... then I noticed that it was only 3 am! I went back to sleep and woke up at my normal time and my temperature was 98!!! Hooray! Still in the game!
Here are some other wonderful things going on today:
We got our new oven delivered so my husband has gone out to pick up something delicious to bake!
Work was good, all the kids were so excited to get out of school and start their vacation!!
We found out yesterday that my husband's financial aid stuff has gone through and he will be going to Western Oregon University this Spring. He only has about a year left for his I.T. degree, I am so proud of him for going back to school!
He was in the military so we're getting a nice chunk of $$ (G.I. bill) for him to go back to school.
The sun reminds me of my mom, especially in Spring- it's so beautiful and sunny today, I feel her everywhere! All kinds of flowers and plants are about to burst into bloom, come to life, love and kindness is in the air, this is her season!
Tomorrow is officially the first day of Spring!
We're beginning to plan a road trip for the summer! We're thinking of driving across country to Iowa to visit Jason's grandparents and many aunts/uncles/cousins/etc. We haven't taken a big vacation like this for a long time!
We're also planning on taking a mini vacation in the middle of the week- a test drive/road trip with our dog to see how he does!
Today was my last day of work until the 29th!! Yayyy!!!
Little sister's birthday on Sunday!! Yayyy!! I love her so!
Grandpa's 88th birthday this week too!! :)
Today was PAYDAY!
We might find out soon that we are going to become parents for the first time!!
Now I'm going to take my little dog out for a walk....
Have a beautiful day!
Here's how my day started!
This morning I woke up and took my temperature immediately as I always do. My heart sank as I saw that it was only 97.4, down .5 from the past couple of days.... then I noticed that it was only 3 am! I went back to sleep and woke up at my normal time and my temperature was 98!!! Hooray! Still in the game!
Here are some other wonderful things going on today:
We got our new oven delivered so my husband has gone out to pick up something delicious to bake!
Work was good, all the kids were so excited to get out of school and start their vacation!!
We found out yesterday that my husband's financial aid stuff has gone through and he will be going to Western Oregon University this Spring. He only has about a year left for his I.T. degree, I am so proud of him for going back to school!
He was in the military so we're getting a nice chunk of $$ (G.I. bill) for him to go back to school.
The sun reminds me of my mom, especially in Spring- it's so beautiful and sunny today, I feel her everywhere! All kinds of flowers and plants are about to burst into bloom, come to life, love and kindness is in the air, this is her season!
Tomorrow is officially the first day of Spring!
We're beginning to plan a road trip for the summer! We're thinking of driving across country to Iowa to visit Jason's grandparents and many aunts/uncles/cousins/etc. We haven't taken a big vacation like this for a long time!
We're also planning on taking a mini vacation in the middle of the week- a test drive/road trip with our dog to see how he does!
Today was my last day of work until the 29th!! Yayyy!!!
Little sister's birthday on Sunday!! Yayyy!! I love her so!
Grandpa's 88th birthday this week too!! :)
Today was PAYDAY!
We might find out soon that we are going to become parents for the first time!!
Now I'm going to take my little dog out for a walk....
Have a beautiful day!
Thursday, March 18, 2010
10 dpiui
My morning basal temp has been high and steady (the last three mornings in a row it was 97.9) For me that's high!
Last night/early in the morning I kept waking up feeling sharp low cramps!
Could this be an early pregnancy sign??
I am staying hopeful!!
Last night/early in the morning I kept waking up feeling sharp low cramps!
Could this be an early pregnancy sign??
I am staying hopeful!!
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
9dpiui ... so very sleepy!
I'm feeling pretty good today, I am also feeling extremely tired!! I take this tiredness as a good sign; though it probably has to do with the busy work day I had!
Yawwwnnnnn ...
I work at a high school and it is wonderful and challenging and crazy and fun and dramatic, all at the same time. The kids just finished their second trimester last week (Finals week = CHAOS!) and have just started their third trimester classes this week.
Here's the great news: Two more school days till Spring Break!! Woo hoo!!
At this moment I'm lying in bed with the laptop- sunlight coming in through my bedroom window, my little dog sleeping in it. Ahhhhh. I feel half delirious! Maybe I'll take a nap before we head over to my grandpa's for corned beef and cabbage tonight... it is St. Patrick's Day after all! We aren't Irish, my grandfather's Polish, but he loves celebrating with big dinners and family every chance he gets!! (Now THAT's the Polish in him!) :)
Soooo.... I got good news yesterday regarding my 7dpiui (7 days past iui) progesterone test! :)
My level was at 11.5! Meaning that I definitely ovulated!! YESSS!! I'm still in the game as of now!
And here I am 9dpiui.
Symptoms? Hmmm. Maybe?
-I've been kind of crampy/stomach upsetty/bloaty for the last couple of days, but we had a few days of food we shouldn't have since the iui; pizza, a Hungarian restaurant, and a delicious brunch buffet with my grandpa. So, with all of that I think it's normal that my stomach would be upset!
-I've been EXHAUSTED the past couple of days, but it could be my body adjusting to daylight savings time (I wake up for work at 6 am, so that would make sense)
That's all.
Oh! Another reason that I'm feeling good -totally random- I ordered some books from Amazon yesterday that I plan on reading over the break!! I am so looking forward to relaxing!!
Woooo, I'm feeling so sleepy! :)
Yawwwnnnnn ...
I work at a high school and it is wonderful and challenging and crazy and fun and dramatic, all at the same time. The kids just finished their second trimester last week (Finals week = CHAOS!) and have just started their third trimester classes this week.
Here's the great news: Two more school days till Spring Break!! Woo hoo!!
At this moment I'm lying in bed with the laptop- sunlight coming in through my bedroom window, my little dog sleeping in it. Ahhhhh. I feel half delirious! Maybe I'll take a nap before we head over to my grandpa's for corned beef and cabbage tonight... it is St. Patrick's Day after all! We aren't Irish, my grandfather's Polish, but he loves celebrating with big dinners and family every chance he gets!! (Now THAT's the Polish in him!) :)
Soooo.... I got good news yesterday regarding my 7dpiui (7 days past iui) progesterone test! :)
My level was at 11.5! Meaning that I definitely ovulated!! YESSS!! I'm still in the game as of now!
And here I am 9dpiui.
Symptoms? Hmmm. Maybe?
-I've been kind of crampy/stomach upsetty/bloaty for the last couple of days, but we had a few days of food we shouldn't have since the iui; pizza, a Hungarian restaurant, and a delicious brunch buffet with my grandpa. So, with all of that I think it's normal that my stomach would be upset!
-I've been EXHAUSTED the past couple of days, but it could be my body adjusting to daylight savings time (I wake up for work at 6 am, so that would make sense)
That's all.
Oh! Another reason that I'm feeling good -totally random- I ordered some books from Amazon yesterday that I plan on reading over the break!! I am so looking forward to relaxing!!
Woooo, I'm feeling so sleepy! :)
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Our second IUI
On Sunday morning, much to my surprise because it was only CD13, I got my little smiley-face test result from the ovulation test kit and HOORAY scheduled my IUI appointment for early the next morning. We had a really nice day together, we both took the whole day off of work and after the procedure went out for Chinese food at P.F. Chang's, (which I'd never been to before and I absolutely LOVED!!) and a movie, Alice in Wonderland in 3D, (which wasn't that great, but still really fun!)
My husband's stats were awesome once again:
Pre wash count- 214 million/ml
Motility- 90%
Progression- 4+
Post wash count- 107 million/ml
I go in on the 15th for my progesterone lab, and then test on the 24th!!
I am hoping and praying that this is the one!!
And... last night I discovered that I had amazing EWCM, this may not sound very exciting to the average every-day person, but to someone with fertility problems, it is just the BEST!
We did our thang...
If we are pregnant this month, I would believe that it happened last night!
Iui or not! :)
My husband's stats were awesome once again:
Pre wash count- 214 million/ml
Motility- 90%
Progression- 4+
Post wash count- 107 million/ml
I go in on the 15th for my progesterone lab, and then test on the 24th!!
I am hoping and praying that this is the one!!
And... last night I discovered that I had amazing EWCM, this may not sound very exciting to the average every-day person, but to someone with fertility problems, it is just the BEST!
We did our thang...
If we are pregnant this month, I would believe that it happened last night!
Iui or not! :)
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Gearing up for round 2!
Well... I'm starting Clomid again tomorrow since it's CD3!
My doctor upped the dosage to 100 mg from 50 because of my low progesterone.
I feel really good about that...
Hey, maybe we'll end up with twins, ha!! A girl can dream!! :)
We would be happy with anything- one, two, boy, girl, whatever! I just pray that this next IUI is successful!!
Also,
A huge thank you to my internet-friend Sweetdaisey (the only one besides me who reads this, probably!) Thank you for your kindness and support! I am sending you baby dust and all kinds of positive thoughts! I hope you meet your little one soon, too!! :)
My doctor upped the dosage to 100 mg from 50 because of my low progesterone.
I feel really good about that...
Hey, maybe we'll end up with twins, ha!! A girl can dream!! :)
We would be happy with anything- one, two, boy, girl, whatever! I just pray that this next IUI is successful!!
Also,
A huge thank you to my internet-friend Sweetdaisey (the only one besides me who reads this, probably!) Thank you for your kindness and support! I am sending you baby dust and all kinds of positive thoughts! I hope you meet your little one soon, too!! :)
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
or not...
Yesterday I got the results of my progesterone test. 5.9 (7dpo) This is very very low. From what I gather, they look for at least 10+ with a normal natural cycle and 15+ on a medicated cycle. What worries me is that I took 50mg Clomid this cycle, so why oh why is it so low?? So yesterday I was super bummed. Then today I get home from work and guess what??
Yes.
My period.
Sigh.....
Yes.
My period.
Sigh.....
Sunday, February 21, 2010
5 days until we test
So far, so good! I really hope that this IUI has worked for us!!
Still no progesterone lab results, but what can you expect on a Sunday?
Still no progesterone lab results, but what can you expect on a Sunday?
Saturday, February 20, 2010
My beautiful liberating vacation day,
Yesterday I spent the entire day completely obsessing over the results of my progesterone lab. I had it done on Thursday and was thinking about it all day at work Friday. After I got home I called the clinic twice. Each time they told me that a nurse would call me back, they never did. It was hard not to feel upset, I was feeling so anxious, now I had to wait for another whole day to get my precious results! I spent a good portion of the night googling things like 'Normal Progesterone Level', 'Progesterone 7DPO', 'Progesterone Clomid', 'Progesterone IUI'. Finally I gave up and played Hearts on the lap top while watching a movie.
Step one: Liberation. Turning off that alarm.
Before bed I made a decision which made me feel oh so much better about myself and better about my sanity. I have a tendency to let this want/need to have children control my life sometimes, more like all of the time, and I realized that I needed to subside a little. Relax. So, I made the huge decision to pick up my cell phone and turn off the 5:30 AM alarm that I wake up to every day (even on the weekends- my days off) to take my BBT (basal body temperature).
This is HUGE for me because I usually take it every single day and have for about a year. I keep my pages of recorded cycles all nice and neat in a little purple folder on my bedside table next to the thermometer and phone alarm.
I decided that, for the first time in who knows when, I was going to sleep soundly and uninterruptedly through a Saturday morning without taking my temperature.
Crawling into bed that night with my husband, after moving over our sweet little sleeping mini dachshund, I felt really good. REALLY good. I felt so liberated and a bit rebellious. Ha! Take that!! I am in charge of my life...
I was going to take a day off!
I fell right to sleep, had some kind of dream about my husband shaving his beard, and woke up nice and late to the sun shining brightly through my window. Ahhhhh...
Step two: Vacation. Going to the beach!
What a beautiful morning! My husband, Jason, made a delicious bacon, egg, toast breakfast and because this was the first sunny weekend day we've had in Oregon for a long time (it's been raining like crazy here!!) we decided to throw the dog in the car and drive to the beach!!
It was perfect! It wasn't windy at all, and there wasn't a cloud in the sky! We took a super long route that we'd never taken before, laughing and singing to random songs the whole way over. We kept double checking the only map we had in the car (which happened to be an atlas- and wasn't much help,) to figure out which little towns we were going through, and ended up way more south than what we were shooting for! I love Jason so much, we had so much fun!
The ocean was spectacular, as it always is. We were in complete awe of it, as we always are. Even though we've lived our whole lives less than 100 miles of it, and visited it over 500 times throughout the years, it's something that we never get tired of. We ran our little dog all around the beaches and trails between Florence and Newport, (because he never gets tired of it either!)
A few ahi tuna tacos, a dead tired pup and about 300 miles (round-trip) later, we all made it home safely, I never even called the clinic.
Didn't even think of it, actually.
I feel fresh and clear. Liberated and powerful. If there is a child inside of me, this lightening of my soul has certainly done them good.
I recommend a 'sanity vacation' once in a while to every woman TTC!
But no worries, I'm ready to get back to my same ole obsessions tomorrow!
My alarm is set! :)
Step one: Liberation. Turning off that alarm.
Before bed I made a decision which made me feel oh so much better about myself and better about my sanity. I have a tendency to let this want/need to have children control my life sometimes, more like all of the time, and I realized that I needed to subside a little. Relax. So, I made the huge decision to pick up my cell phone and turn off the 5:30 AM alarm that I wake up to every day (even on the weekends- my days off) to take my BBT (basal body temperature).
This is HUGE for me because I usually take it every single day and have for about a year. I keep my pages of recorded cycles all nice and neat in a little purple folder on my bedside table next to the thermometer and phone alarm.
I decided that, for the first time in who knows when, I was going to sleep soundly and uninterruptedly through a Saturday morning without taking my temperature.
Crawling into bed that night with my husband, after moving over our sweet little sleeping mini dachshund, I felt really good. REALLY good. I felt so liberated and a bit rebellious. Ha! Take that!! I am in charge of my life...
I was going to take a day off!
I fell right to sleep, had some kind of dream about my husband shaving his beard, and woke up nice and late to the sun shining brightly through my window. Ahhhhh...
Step two: Vacation. Going to the beach!
What a beautiful morning! My husband, Jason, made a delicious bacon, egg, toast breakfast and because this was the first sunny weekend day we've had in Oregon for a long time (it's been raining like crazy here!!) we decided to throw the dog in the car and drive to the beach!!
It was perfect! It wasn't windy at all, and there wasn't a cloud in the sky! We took a super long route that we'd never taken before, laughing and singing to random songs the whole way over. We kept double checking the only map we had in the car (which happened to be an atlas- and wasn't much help,) to figure out which little towns we were going through, and ended up way more south than what we were shooting for! I love Jason so much, we had so much fun!
The ocean was spectacular, as it always is. We were in complete awe of it, as we always are. Even though we've lived our whole lives less than 100 miles of it, and visited it over 500 times throughout the years, it's something that we never get tired of. We ran our little dog all around the beaches and trails between Florence and Newport, (because he never gets tired of it either!)
A few ahi tuna tacos, a dead tired pup and about 300 miles (round-trip) later, we all made it home safely, I never even called the clinic.
Didn't even think of it, actually.
I feel fresh and clear. Liberated and powerful. If there is a child inside of me, this lightening of my soul has certainly done them good.
I recommend a 'sanity vacation' once in a while to every woman TTC!
But no worries, I'm ready to get back to my same ole obsessions tomorrow!
My alarm is set! :)
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Dreams of baby ~ Dreams of momma
The other night I had a dream that I had just given birth to a baby girl!
I didn't dream about the labor or birth- I had this strange feeling that I had forgotten it somehow, slept through it or something ... like it was just that easy! So I found myself just sitting there by the fireplace in my parent's living room holding my daughter. My mom was there with us too, sitting on the love seat in front of the window. She was smiling peacefully, radiating love. Her body seemed to have a soft and glowy aura around it. Beautiful and natural. She told me that even though I didn't remember the birth of my daughter, it was alright because she was there guiding me, helping me. She said that the birth was perfect and easy. She was so happy, smiling and sweet. An angel. I didn't feel surprised to see her, I felt comfortable and calm, everything was normal, everything was the way it should be.I felt content, that all was right. This is the way that I am used to feeling with her. I felt incredibly calm. Happy.
This is the first time that I've dreamt of my mother since her death seven months ago.
(The first time that I can remember, anyway)
It was wonderful.
Before my mom passed away, she asked all of us what we wanted as signs that she was still with us.
I told her that I needed her to be with me while I was giving birth to my children.
She said that she would, of course she would.
I woke up suddenly, it was about 4 am. I was so hot, I had to flip off all of the blankets. I tossed and turned for a little while before falling back asleep (Before I had to wake up to get ready for work at 5:30!!)
I'm so happy that mom was in my dreams!
This is a great sign!
:)
I didn't dream about the labor or birth- I had this strange feeling that I had forgotten it somehow, slept through it or something ... like it was just that easy! So I found myself just sitting there by the fireplace in my parent's living room holding my daughter. My mom was there with us too, sitting on the love seat in front of the window. She was smiling peacefully, radiating love. Her body seemed to have a soft and glowy aura around it. Beautiful and natural. She told me that even though I didn't remember the birth of my daughter, it was alright because she was there guiding me, helping me. She said that the birth was perfect and easy. She was so happy, smiling and sweet. An angel. I didn't feel surprised to see her, I felt comfortable and calm, everything was normal, everything was the way it should be.I felt content, that all was right. This is the way that I am used to feeling with her. I felt incredibly calm. Happy.
This is the first time that I've dreamt of my mother since her death seven months ago.
(The first time that I can remember, anyway)
It was wonderful.
Before my mom passed away, she asked all of us what we wanted as signs that she was still with us.
I told her that I needed her to be with me while I was giving birth to my children.
She said that she would, of course she would.
I woke up suddenly, it was about 4 am. I was so hot, I had to flip off all of the blankets. I tossed and turned for a little while before falling back asleep (Before I had to wake up to get ready for work at 5:30!!)
I'm so happy that mom was in my dreams!
This is a great sign!
:)
Monday, February 15, 2010
To sum it all up,
I just realized that I've written a book!!
The short of it:
TTC w/DH for 3+ years
DH 32, me 29
10-26-09 HSG- left tube blocked
1-27-10 started first round clomid 50mg
getting ready for IUI #1....
2-11-10 IUI #1
We are waiting to test 2-26-10
The short of it:
TTC w/DH for 3+ years
DH 32, me 29
10-26-09 HSG- left tube blocked
1-27-10 started first round clomid 50mg
getting ready for IUI #1....
2-11-10 IUI #1
We are waiting to test 2-26-10
Our fertility history and where we are today,
We were married on a sunny September day (which is rare in Oregon) in 2006. Everything was beautiful, everything was perfect! We have been ttc ever since! After about a year with no sign of baby, we started timing, and gradually began charting BBT and CM. I have read so many books on fertility- I feel like I'm an expert on the subject!
One of the books that helped me immensely was 'Taking Charge of your Fertility' by Toni Weschler. I bought it on a whim on Amazon, and it turned out to be one of the greatest purchases I've ever made. I would recommend it to any woman who is interested in fully understanding her body. I have learned so much from it!
Anyway, after three years, and perfect timing, we decided to consult my OBGYN- I was 28 and my husband 31, we weren't getting any younger!
First step- Husband's SA (Semen analysis) This should always be the first step if you are facing fertility problems!
His results came back great! The count was 138 million per ml. Motility was good, though they said it was kind of thick (which is high viscosity, we found out later)
So, he was fine. It was such a relief to hear that!
Second step- HSG, Hysterosalpingogram.
The result of this process determines whether or not your fallopian tubes are fully open or if they are blocked somehow, mainly due to scar tissue.
My doc recommended this because when I was 18 I had an emergency appendectomy (removal of the appendix) which may have caused scaring around the tubes.
I was pretty nervous, and the procedure was pretty awkward (as awkward as a PAP with someone you just met!) But painless!
The procedure goes as follows-
You undress from the waist down and lie back on the bed.
In goes the clamp, and then up through the cervix is inserted a little catheter tube full of some kind of dye they are able to detect on their magical x-ray machine.
The dye is then pumped through, the goal is to see the dye go through each fallopian tube and spill out into your abdominal cavity.
Fun, no?
Informative, yes.
I was able to watch 'real time' the dye move through my system. It quickly made its way through the right tube, and I was so relieved to her the technician say "One tube is open for sure, you CAN get pregnant."
The dye was not able, for whatever reason, to make it through the left tube. So, diagnosis 50/50.
One tube blocked, one tube fully open.
I look at it as the glass half full, instead of half empty.
-----
After 3 more months of not becoming pregnant my OBGYN wanted to see me again. He wasn't sure why we weren't pregnant, and said that a lot of times the cervical mucus will be insufficiently thin or thick and not able to carry the sperm where they need to go, and sometimes the cervical mucus can be hostile to the sperm, turning on it and attacking it like bacteria. He said that no one is sure why exactly that happens, but it does.
He ordered a series of four IUIs. Intrauterine insemination.
This is a process where they take and 'wash and spin' the sperm (which rids it of all of the dead cells, and thick fluid) leaving behind an ultra powered ready to go batch of super sperm, which they insert in through the cervix, totally bypassing the cervical mucus (which may or may not be the problem) straight to the uterus so they get a head start on their trip up the fallopian tube to meet the egg!
It's mother nature with a boost.
We talked about the use of fertility medication, and we decided that a small dose of Clomid would be okay, just to insure ovulation.
So, this cycle I began my first Clomid round (day 3-7) and experienced none of the side effects I was so warned about (cramping, mood swings, nausea, etc.)
The only thing that I was worried about was the way that Clomid dries up cervical fluid, that is why I took Robitussin (the kind with Guaifenesin as the only ingredient. This is a substance that will promote mucus flow throughout the body- just like it loosens chest congestion.) Doctor recommended while taking Clomid, as well as improving your natural cycle.
On the 10th of this month, just a few days ago, we got the positive (smiley face) on the OPK and went in for our first IUI bright and early the next morning. February 11th.
My husband's counts were phenomenal. The lab tech called his sperm insanely fast! (The fertility specialist recommended that he take Guaifenesin as well, for the high viscosity issue- only a higher dose, so he was taking Mucinex.) She called him a 'Gold Medal Winner' and said we should hang the results on the fridge!
His results were as follows:
Pre wash count ---- 258 million/ml ..... OMG, wow.
Motility ---- 90% ... this is awesome, they look for 40% or more
Progression ---- 4+ .... they look for 1-4 :)
Post wash count ---- 116 million/ ml!!!!!! They look for 10 million or more!! Woooo-hoooo!!!
How can you go wrong with those counts?
We held hands as the procedure was being done (super quick and surprisingly easy!) and were left alone in the dim room for about 10 minutes afterwards to smile at eachother, visualize and just breathe.
I love my husband so much.
So, here we are.
Waiting on the results. Praying that my body is functioning the way that it is supposed to, praying that the egg was grabbed by the open fallopian tube, and that the implantation goes smoothly.
I wish my mom was here, I wish I could call her up and share all of this with her. The nervous excitement, the daydreams, my head in the clouds. I'm thinking as positively as I can, and I have received several 'signs' which I'll explain later on, which confirms my belief that she is with me. Somehow.
We test on the 26th.
One of the books that helped me immensely was 'Taking Charge of your Fertility' by Toni Weschler. I bought it on a whim on Amazon, and it turned out to be one of the greatest purchases I've ever made. I would recommend it to any woman who is interested in fully understanding her body. I have learned so much from it!
Anyway, after three years, and perfect timing, we decided to consult my OBGYN- I was 28 and my husband 31, we weren't getting any younger!
First step- Husband's SA (Semen analysis) This should always be the first step if you are facing fertility problems!
His results came back great! The count was 138 million per ml. Motility was good, though they said it was kind of thick (which is high viscosity, we found out later)
So, he was fine. It was such a relief to hear that!
Second step- HSG, Hysterosalpingogram.
The result of this process determines whether or not your fallopian tubes are fully open or if they are blocked somehow, mainly due to scar tissue.
My doc recommended this because when I was 18 I had an emergency appendectomy (removal of the appendix) which may have caused scaring around the tubes.
I was pretty nervous, and the procedure was pretty awkward (as awkward as a PAP with someone you just met!) But painless!
The procedure goes as follows-
You undress from the waist down and lie back on the bed.
In goes the clamp, and then up through the cervix is inserted a little catheter tube full of some kind of dye they are able to detect on their magical x-ray machine.
The dye is then pumped through, the goal is to see the dye go through each fallopian tube and spill out into your abdominal cavity.
Fun, no?
Informative, yes.
I was able to watch 'real time' the dye move through my system. It quickly made its way through the right tube, and I was so relieved to her the technician say "One tube is open for sure, you CAN get pregnant."
The dye was not able, for whatever reason, to make it through the left tube. So, diagnosis 50/50.
One tube blocked, one tube fully open.
I look at it as the glass half full, instead of half empty.
-----
After 3 more months of not becoming pregnant my OBGYN wanted to see me again. He wasn't sure why we weren't pregnant, and said that a lot of times the cervical mucus will be insufficiently thin or thick and not able to carry the sperm where they need to go, and sometimes the cervical mucus can be hostile to the sperm, turning on it and attacking it like bacteria. He said that no one is sure why exactly that happens, but it does.
He ordered a series of four IUIs. Intrauterine insemination.
This is a process where they take and 'wash and spin' the sperm (which rids it of all of the dead cells, and thick fluid) leaving behind an ultra powered ready to go batch of super sperm, which they insert in through the cervix, totally bypassing the cervical mucus (which may or may not be the problem) straight to the uterus so they get a head start on their trip up the fallopian tube to meet the egg!
It's mother nature with a boost.
We talked about the use of fertility medication, and we decided that a small dose of Clomid would be okay, just to insure ovulation.
So, this cycle I began my first Clomid round (day 3-7) and experienced none of the side effects I was so warned about (cramping, mood swings, nausea, etc.)
The only thing that I was worried about was the way that Clomid dries up cervical fluid, that is why I took Robitussin (the kind with Guaifenesin as the only ingredient. This is a substance that will promote mucus flow throughout the body- just like it loosens chest congestion.) Doctor recommended while taking Clomid, as well as improving your natural cycle.
On the 10th of this month, just a few days ago, we got the positive (smiley face) on the OPK and went in for our first IUI bright and early the next morning. February 11th.
My husband's counts were phenomenal. The lab tech called his sperm insanely fast! (The fertility specialist recommended that he take Guaifenesin as well, for the high viscosity issue- only a higher dose, so he was taking Mucinex.) She called him a 'Gold Medal Winner' and said we should hang the results on the fridge!
His results were as follows:
Pre wash count ---- 258 million/ml ..... OMG, wow.
Motility ---- 90% ... this is awesome, they look for 40% or more
Progression ---- 4+ .... they look for 1-4 :)
Post wash count ---- 116 million/ ml!!!!!! They look for 10 million or more!! Woooo-hoooo!!!
How can you go wrong with those counts?
We held hands as the procedure was being done (super quick and surprisingly easy!) and were left alone in the dim room for about 10 minutes afterwards to smile at eachother, visualize and just breathe.
I love my husband so much.
So, here we are.
Waiting on the results. Praying that my body is functioning the way that it is supposed to, praying that the egg was grabbed by the open fallopian tube, and that the implantation goes smoothly.
I wish my mom was here, I wish I could call her up and share all of this with her. The nervous excitement, the daydreams, my head in the clouds. I'm thinking as positively as I can, and I have received several 'signs' which I'll explain later on, which confirms my belief that she is with me. Somehow.
We test on the 26th.
My journey to find my mother... through motherhood
My mother passed away this summer. July 15th, 2009. 3:00 AM. I can barely breathe.
I miss her so much, I think of her always.
My husband and I have been trying to have a baby for over three years. It is extremely difficult to be going through this without my mom, it's something that we've always shared. We've always talked about the joys and blessings that children bring. I know that she is with me, though. With both of us, me and my husband. Her energy and light surround us, her presence is strong, I know she's with me. My goals are to begin healing, emotionally, spiritually; to begin the process of finding peace and understanding. Also to start a family of my own, and continue the cycle of love- the ultimate sacred bond between mother and child. To step into her role, to be a mother. I only pray I can be half of the amazing woman/mother/wife that she was. She was perfect.
This is my first blog, and it's very late.
I miss and love her eternally.
I miss her so much, I think of her always.
My husband and I have been trying to have a baby for over three years. It is extremely difficult to be going through this without my mom, it's something that we've always shared. We've always talked about the joys and blessings that children bring. I know that she is with me, though. With both of us, me and my husband. Her energy and light surround us, her presence is strong, I know she's with me. My goals are to begin healing, emotionally, spiritually; to begin the process of finding peace and understanding. Also to start a family of my own, and continue the cycle of love- the ultimate sacred bond between mother and child. To step into her role, to be a mother. I only pray I can be half of the amazing woman/mother/wife that she was. She was perfect.
This is my first blog, and it's very late.
I miss and love her eternally.
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